Mrs Hira: Winner of the 2005 "Atsui Awards"

Well, folks, the ballots are in, and as expected, it was one hell of a race. But, in the end, Mrs. Hira of Nakatonbetsu Junior High School prevailed, and was officially declared the winner of the first ever “Atsui” Awards in the Hokkaido prefecture division.

So, you may just be asking yourself how this 29-year old small town schoolteacher pulled it off. Well, as one judge simply put it, “when you say the word “Atsui” (hot) a record number 2,342 times in a single school day, it doesn’t exactly hurt your chances. An amazing single day feat indeed, and one that will arguably remain unbroken for quite some time.”

When asked about the secret behind her success and talent for insistently complaining about the weather, she cited being a native of Wakkanai city (Japan’s northernmost settlement and universally considered colder-than-fuck city), as well as a hyperbolic hatred for all things warm, even soup, as reasons. After questioning her about the prospects of breaking her own record, Hira was quick to reply, “Atsui ne.” (It’s fucking hot in here, isn’t it?)