Buy My Shit...Please!

As I will be moving out of my apartment in a just over a week's time, I have some really good shit to sell at unbeatable rock bottom prices.

1 North Korean Intercontinental Ballistic Missle
Price: 30,000 yen
Description - used once, have English manual and warranty card, plus leather carrying case.
Color - white w/DPRK emblem on tip.

1 4-year old Burmese Elephant
Pice: 22,000 yen
Description: Bought in Thailand while on vacation. Barely used. Comes with collar, scratching post, and flea dip.
Color - grey.

1 Russian Soviet Era Hovercraft
Price: 120,000 yen
Description: 4 speed manual shift, chrome package, CD player, Fuel efficient (20 kilo per hour in heavy city traffic) Shakken paid through next April. Extremely rare.
Color - fire engine red.

1 Flesh Eating Zombie
Price: Free to good home
Description: Created while bored during office downtime. Good with children. Comes with cage and 2 months supply of food.
Color - patterned grey.