10 Reasons Why I'm a Bad Elementary Teacher in Japan

• Permanently damaged a second grader while playing dodgeball
• Used the Japanese word for masturbate (senzuri) in class accidentally instead of the word for cheat (zurui)
  
• Can't really speak Japanese or English properly
• Don't really care that I can't speak Japanese or English properly
• View scheduled start times for classes merely as suggestions
• Pushed a first grader down for violently grabbing my balls
• Laughed at same first grader after pushing him down
• Above first and second grader have now sought violent revenge against me
• Think that shaming Japanese teachers in front of their students by showing everyone that they can't speak English is fun
• Encouraged a food fight once and lost