Exotic Automobile Destruction: A How-To-Guide for Beginners

This simple tutorial is designed for anyone who desires to spice up their life through the process of basic automobile destruction with an exotic twist. This tutorial assumes no prior experience with automobile destruction. Nonetheless, to get the most out of this guide, one should naturally have some knowledge of basic driving skills.

1. Initial Preparation

To get the most out of random, exotic automobile destruction, first get yourself into a low-medium to heavy post-intoxication haze. For example, this can be done by drinking copious amounts of low-grade potato liquor until 5 or 6 in the morning. After a brief nap, possibly on a miniature golf course, or the grounds of some other public facility. Begin to drive your vehicle.

2. Additional Preparation (optional)

Instead of returning immediately to one's home, spend the rest of the day driving aimlessly. No pre-determined destination is necessary. The purpose of this step is to develop the feeling of almost complete exhaustion. Important: complete exhaustion is undesired because capacity to further operate the vehicle will be necessary to complete the task.

3. Find an Isolated Backcountry Road And Drive At A Terrific Rate of Speed

This step is crucial, and can be difficult for the beginner. It is at this point that one might want to reference a reliable driving atlas or even consult with a knowledgeable local about where the most isolated country roads are located. It is also critical that this step be performed after sunset -- the darker the better. The use of a low-beam headlight setting is also advised.

4. Wait For A Large Exotic Animal To Race Onto the Road

This is where luck will play the biggest factor in the process. Some have the fortune of completing this step on their first try, others attempt repeated times and are still unsuccessful. Thus, initial failure should not dishearten the beginner from persevering. Also, the type of animal will of course vary across regions. In Hokkaido, deer are sufficient, however, if one is in the middle east, a camel might be desirable.

5. Assuming You Have Completed Step 4, Hit the Exotic Animal With Automobile At Full Speed

A direct strike is preferred, but side-strikes, rear clips, even backing up over the creature in desperate situations can suffice if necessary. Remember - the greater the speed, the greater the effect. The reasoning for the rummy post-intoxication haze will now become known. This will increase the "shock" value of hitting the animal. It will also, through the use of deadening the reflexes, hinder the uncertain driver from avoiding collision at the last moment.

6. Step Out of The Vehicle and Admire Your Handiwork. Congratulations! You Have Just Completed This Guide!

If you are unsure of whether or not you completed the tutorial properly, feel free to use the above graphic as a gauge. But, really, almost any type of automobile destruction is sufficient, and should be considered an accomplishment.

Good luck! And happy exotic automobile destroying!